Stonewalling1 is a refusal to communicate or cooperate. Such behaviour occurs in situations such as marriage counselling, diplomatic negotiations, politics and legal cases. Body language may indicate and reinforce this by avoiding contact and engagement with the other party.
As stonewalling persists in a relationship and becomes a continuous cycle, the negative effects of stonewalling outweigh the positive effects, it then becomes the greatest predictor of divorce in a marriage. When one or both partners in a relationship stonewall, their ability to hear each other or listen to each other’s disagreement, concern, side or argument, reduces their ability to engage and help address the situation. Stonewalling can be detrimental to relationships because there is often no chance for resolution of conflict.[7][8]
When one or both members of a couple refuse to communicate, this can mark the final step in the breakdown of their relationship. John Gottman characterised this stage as the fourth horseman in his Cascade Model of Relational Dissolution.[5] In his studies, “stonewalling” was overwhelmingly done by men, with women overwhelmingly using “criticism”.[6]
Being stonewalled in a relationship can feel like social rejection. Social rejection may be emotionally painful, due to the social nature of human beings, as well as the essential need for social interaction between other humans. Abraham Maslow and other theorists have suggested that the need for love and belongingness is a fundamental human motivation.[6] According to Maslow, all humans, even introverts, need to be able to give and receive affection to be psychologically healthy.
See also
- Cold shoulder
- Dumb insolence
- Filibuster
- Obstructionism
- Passive aggression
- Running out the clock
- Send to Coventry
- Silent treatment
- Social rejection
- Spiral of silence
- Stonewalling wikipedia ↩︎